Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
