so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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