Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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