I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
