Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
