I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
