I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
