Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
