I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
