dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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