In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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