I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i will never coherently bang her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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