im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
