I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
