My nipple is on Facebook.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
