some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
