You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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