I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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