If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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