is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
