Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
