Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
