I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
