If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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