is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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