I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize