I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
