Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
