no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
