does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
