Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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