It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
