I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
