Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
