i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
