the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there was a trapeze. enough said
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
