While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
