Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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