i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he puts the penis in happiness.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
