I'd wear matching sweaters with you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
