she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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