I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
