tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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