Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
