my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize