but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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