Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
