the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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