Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
