he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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