12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
