so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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