well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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