he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
