Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
