U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
