You really coming over, don't trick.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
