I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
These tits shall not be calmed
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
