I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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