I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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