You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
