Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize