My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
