He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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