im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
