I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
