bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
