her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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