im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
