Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
