sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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