I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
