we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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