I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
