This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
