my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize