can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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