Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
